Mortality!

I think cartoonist Roz Chast sums up Mirai Nagasu's Olympic accomplishment for 99.9% of us!

Slowly improving

Yes, I'm still working with my old friend--the right forward inside Mohawk.  The good news is that if I'm warmed up and if my brain is awake I remember (at least some of) the following during the split second that the turn occupies:  to bend my skating leg, to bring the free skate as close to the instep of the skating foot as possible, to keep my arms up (need to do this eventually when partnered), to rotate my hips during the edge transition and to check after the foot change.  If I remember all that and don't spend a lot of time looking down at the ice then the turn actually works well enough for me to hold on for the required two beats per edge.  Of course if I try this while partnered with coach A. everything goes out the window: I wide step, break at the waist, fail to check properly--oh, the agony!  But at least I can now hold the entry and exit edges for two beats each while skating solo, so that's progress to built on.  Slow improvement is better than slow degradation.

During our last lesson she brought out the dreaded coach's marking pen and drew curves on and slightly beyond one of the face-off circles, marking off where (a). she wanted the Mohawk to happen and (b). the placement of the tracing for the curves that make up the RBO edge (two beats) and the LBO swing roll (four beats) which follow the turn.  I worked on this with mixed success.  The free-style session during which my weekly lesson occurs, while not as busy as in previous weeks, still had enough skaters to make moving backwards a trifle hazardous.  I need eyes in the back of my head. 

Say--maybe the Ice Halo company could introduce a new model with a blind spot monitoring system.  I'd be first in line for that.

That and ooh, maybe an air bag instead of the current ungainly foam stuff.  Just think of those times when you get just that tiny, little bit too far back on your blades and the next thing you know you're falling backwards over the ends of the tails.  Rather than falling heavily and coming away with a bad headache or worse, if your Ice Halo had the all new ABS ("Aire Bagg Systemet", patents pending) instead of allowing you to crash, the bag would sense the unintended backward/downward acceleration and then, after carefully constructing next week's grocery list, deploy the bag a micro-second before ice and head make painful contact.  The falling skater would bounce and be instantly catapulted back to their feet--how cool would that be?!  And a lot less damaging to the ice as well I should think.  What?  Your favorite hat and artificially intelligent refrigerator can't cross talk and inventory each other's status?  Ha, you don't know the half of it.

 

 

Kids!

Has anyone experienced this?

I skated the mid-afternoon public yesterday.  The ice was just crowded enough that you could only sneak in a complete dance pattern every now and then--which by it's self is not that unusual.  So anyway I retreated to a corner to work on stuff that one does in the corner (Mohawks, 3-turns, a few back swing rolls,  alternating back chasses down the red line, etc.).  After a while I noticed that I had two kids shadowing me: I'd do a Mohawk and they'd attempt to do one,  I'd do a 3-turn, they'd attempt to mimic it in an untutored kid kinda way.  It was a little humorous but at the same time a little frustrating because they were right. on. my. heel! Often only about a blade length or two away.  The ice was heavily rutted from the hockey match that preceded the public and I was a little concerned that if I caught an edge I'd flatten a kid!  I skated away from them to the opposite end of the rink and set up camp in one of those corners.  Quick as a flash, my two little disciples were right there!  I decided to skate laps doing alternating forward progressives in the hopes that I could wear 'em out or at least make them bored, but nope, they trailed along hot on my tail like sea gulls following a fishing boat.  My strategy didn't work--well actually it did--they wore me out!  I got off the ice a half hour early.  They were too funny but I hope I never see 'em again!

All in good time.

People keep telling me that I need a cute little clock like this:

I tell them the only time of day device I need looks more like this:

Was Kafka's dog an ice dancer?

L to R:  Hansi Szokoll, Dog (name unknown), Franz Kafka

Dear constant reader:  As you may recall, I'm going to compete for the first time in about a month.  Yesterday my idle curiosity led me to the ISI's web site for a look at the rules governing competitions.  Now most competitions are straight forward: there's a winner followed by individuals or teams placing 2nd, 3rd, etc. all based on a logical points system of some sort and it's pretty much cut and dried.

In ISI's figure skating competitions this assumes that there are more than one individual in a given competition group.  That is almost always the case if the discussion is limited to kid skaters.  With kid skaters the scoring problem can be too many competitors in a group.  ISI takes the goldilocks approach of not too many, not too few, just right and discourages more than five or so per group.  Groups are based on age, gender, skill level, type of competition etc.  If, for example there are more than five teams or individuals in a group and there's no good way to pare that number down, the first five will be graded and the remaining teams/individuals will be scored as "tied" for 6th place.  No kid wants to come in 12th or 38th no matter how much they deserve it...

But what about the case of a 69 year old male, doing a solo ice dance?  What are the odds of that guy having another warm bodied skater to actually compete against?  Can you say "snow ball's chance in Hell"?  Does that guy breeze to a gold medal no matter how poorly he skates?  No, no, no, Mon'Ami.  ISI rules state that in the case where there's only one contestant, the skater skates against "The Book".  The Book?  Yes, The Book.  ISI has developed a calculus grading each possible type of competition, toting up a score for all the required elements, edges, turns, the duration of the program, etc. within a particular competition, let's say Free Style-1 for example,  and the best possible score (perfection) is 100%.  In order to be declared a winner, the skater competing as the sole entrant in a group must score at least 80%.

Although it sounds a bit bizarre, there's the real possibility that I could be the only entrant in my group but could still manage to come in second!  A score of 79.9% will do it.  Thankfully ISI revised their scoring rules in 2010 or else there would have been the possibility of me coming in 3rd if I stink up the house and my skating is scored at 60%.  So, there will be no "give me" at this competition! If Franz Kafka had written a short story about figure skating I'm sure he'd have touched on this very subject.

This little corner of scoring Hell is generally reserved for adult skaters.  Kid skaters are pretty much shielded from skating against The Book due to their sheer numbers.  My course of action is clear cut: I either have to get my Canasta Tango up to the 80% level or start encouraging adult male skaters (the ones who skate worse than I do) to enter the District IV competition.  Where's the Devil when I have a soul to sell?

Humor ver 1.0

Sometimes Hockey Boyz Have All the Fun.

Don't believe me?  Check out these way Kool rollergards

The rollergard folks say that they're working on a model for figure skates. I'll be checking back!

Still not convinced?    Take a look at these neat-o Skaboots

I could go for a pair of the florescent green ones!

Again, it appears that these are currently off the figure skate radar screen.  Bummer!

On the road to enlightenment; What do we want? "MINDFULNESS!" When do we want it? "NOW!"

Along with warming up/down and stretching before/after taking the ice, I also go to a local yoga class.  I'm not a particularly diligent yogi.  I only go once or twice a week.  But it's different.  Different enough that it's already opened my eyes to new possibilities:

Found this in a local bottle shop.  I normally drink IPAs but decided to give it a go.  I took a bottle to my yoga instructor; kinda like bringing the teacher an apple but kickin' it up a notch.